We all suffer losses in life: the loss of a loved one, a job, a pet, a marriage, a car, a way of life, money, health...the list goes on. Your response to loss can directly impact your quality of life for years to come. One very painful thing about a loss is: we still have to get up every morning and move through the day, gaping hole in our lives or not. Time rolls on whether we think we want to get off the train or not. Let us explore ways to keep it together while allowing vital, sacred, safe space for falling apart.
Do you choose to practice excellent self-care? (Remembering to open your tool bag and use what you find there can be a daunting task in the face of adversity and pain.)
It is easy to forget what we know or to forget to use it when in need. Sometimes it is even seems easier to just plain refuse to know/learn/see/understand.
I am talking about answers, tools, cures, fixes. Some quickies that can be pulled out of your proverbial tool bag and used when in crisis: Bach Flower Rescue Remedy. Deep breathing. Adequate water intake. Adequate sleep. Adequate nutrition. Hugs. Exercise. Favorite songs. Dancing. Drumming. Writing. Feel-good clothes
The first challenge for many is recognizing the need for intervention or for specific self-care. One way to assess yourself is to regularly be your own observer, pretending you are using the eyes and ears of your best friend, your mom, your sibling, your child, or your therapist. Identify someone who would easily recognize when you are sad, mad, heavy, down, sinking low, unable to smile or unable to feel light in your heart or body. Then think back to what they tend to do when they realize you are in need: start thinking of cures, fixes to lift you up, tools you can pull out of your toolbox, answers to feeling better even if it doesn't make the problem disappear. You don't have to start specific. Just remember what they have suggested in the past, what they have asked of you or give you to help you pull yourself up.
The second challenge is often dedicating time to this thought process. Though it can take less than 5 minutes, stopping to do it on the heels of a traumatic experience which leaves you harrowed can be difficult to implement. So, do it anyway. And do it even when you may not need it in the moment. Practice the process. Intentionally schedule these check-ins (like fire drills) if you think you are one who will easily miss or dismiss the opportunity for self-assessment in the midst of a chaotic life. Put check-in dates and times in your day planner, or post them on your mirror. Schedule time for observation when you can be alone or speaking with someone supportive about it. Practice self-care so that when you really need it, when the chips are down, it works.
Once you have picked up your tool bag and opened it, you have chosen to practice excellent self-care. The next step is choosing how you will care for your self in the moment.
It can be as simple as turning on the music! You know there is that ONE song (at least) that gets your toe tapping or your tear ducts flowing or the giggles going. Start there.
While you are dancing or crying or singing your heart out to your favorite song, walk into the kitchen and grab a big glass of water, splash some juice in it and chug it. Go back to your music. When the music is done, breathe loudly in through your nose and out your mouth ten times then feel free to move on with your day if you feel ready to do so. All this should probably take 10 minutes or less depending on the length of your song or the number of songs.
Or, pick something else to do next and give yourself 20 minutes of self-care! You could grab some unsalted nuts and a piece of fruit and snack while you keep listening to music. You could do deep breathing for while rocking from foot to foot while standing and swaying your arms. You could take some Bach Flower Rescue Remedy and sit quietly.
The quick fixes are endless. But remember:
Any powerful idea is absolutely fascinating and absolutely useless until we choose to use it.― One (Richard Bach)
This includes the idea of self-care – and healing!
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